On Patiently Being Single

On Patiently Being Single
It’s one thing to be single, but to be a single Muslimah is a completely different story. Though dominant culture seems to put less emphasis on marriage with each passing day, Muslims have not followed suit, and with good reason. Marriage is the basis of community life and a huge part of the religion. And because marriage is so important, young unwed Muslims often feel pressured to get

married. At the same time, they are criticized and even ridiculed by some of their non-Muslim peers that find marriage in your youth an unnecessary and naïve choice. Finding balance between critical peers and demanding community members can be taxing. Though fellow believers mean well, they don’t always realize the stress they place on unmarried Muslims when they continually bring up the topic. I’m married, but haven’t always been, so I know what it’s like to be single without wanting to be. It can be great at times when you’re out having fun, meeting new people. It can be devastating, though, when none of those new people turn out to be good for you. I know what it’s like to buy a cute outfit thinking it’ll make all the difference, only to end up looking cute and feeling lonely. It’s tough being single, but the tough times in our lives are often the times of greatest growth. It can be easy to look at your happily married friends and be jealous and self-doubting, but it takes growth and patience to understand that mates find each other in God’s time; and that up until that point, the two of you are being groomed for each other. Instead of being disappointed that you’re single now, understand that your singleness is no accident.

Perhaps you and your future mate aren’t ready for each other. (After all, we are constantly evolving.) The person that I was when I met my husband was different from the person that I was a few years earlier. The same applies for him. Had we met earlier, as different people, things might not have unfolded as they have. All that we had experienced up until that point was preparing us for the life we’d later lead, the conversations we’d later have, and the disagreements we’d inevitably face. Instead of wasting time being sad that you’re single, understand that Allah is saving you from unnecessary complication and strife. We plan and He plans, and we already know who plans best. Don’t lose faith when it gets rough, be patient and use that time wisely.

Just because you’re not in a relationship doesn’t mean that you can’t learn from people who are. I’ve made mistakes in my relationships, but there were others that I didn’t have to make because I saw too many other people make them. For example, I’ve seen women have sex with men in a desperate effort to keep him. What I noticed is that more often than not, he left anyway. As wonderful as sex is, it’s never enough to hold a genuine relationship together. Sex will not hold a man, because he can get that anywhere. And if that is all he’s interested in, his leaving is the best thing he can do for you. Far too many women resolve not to have sex, and then end up doing it anyway because of pressure, figuring it’ll all be worth it when they’re married. Sadly, few of those wedding actually occur and the woman is often left wishing she could turn back the hands of time. Sex shouldn’t have to be a bargaining tool.

It’s hard being a God-conscious woman when no one else seems to want you to be. Though there are many people of all religions choosing not to have sex, you’d never know it from looking at the world we live in. Sex is everywhere and you’re definitely considered an anomaly if you’re not following the crowd. Don’t be discouraged. The strange looks that you get from people only serve to prove that it takes courage and discipline to go against the grain and stand by your morals. Rather than feeling defeated that you’re the only person left attempting this seemingly insurmountable feat, find strength in knowing that you’re one of the ones that has managed to do something so many others have not. Sure, times have changed, as people will tell you, but that doesn’t mean that you should change your beliefs and values. Whatever you belief is regarding sex and relationships, don’t abandon it because it doesn’t gel with the popular views of society.

It was my personal choice to abstain until marriage. Outside of the fact that it was a religious obligation, it just made sense to do so. I’d seen too many people hurt in sexual relationships. Sex was too important for me to risk having it with someone that may or may not be there in the end. I wasn’t willing to risk pregnancy, STD’s and emotional pain just because everyone else was. That’s one of the things I like about Islam: it makes sense. God doesn’t command that we don’t fornicate just to make our lives difficult. He does it because that is what’s best for us. Think of how many issues are eliminated when sex is saved for marriage: No risk of disease, more security when children are born, and less emotional heart ache. This is not to judge people who choose to lead their lives differently, but it is to support why I have chosen the path that I have and to encourage others who are currently on that same journey.

Be sure to check back every Thursday for a new post. Feel free to leave a comment!

Nadirah Angail
Copyright© 2010

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On All the Things That Make Me Beautiful

It’s the small book that’s making a big impact…

“On All the Things That Make Me Beautiful” is my first book, hopefully the first of many. It only seemed right that I start with something close to my heart. Even when I’m not trying to, I often gear my writings toward women. I encode in them messages of love and support. I have to. I can’t see what I see and know what I know and not do it. Just isn’t possible.

Women are so amazing. We’re often considered the weaker sex, but we display a type of emotional strength most men can’t match. Quite literally, we’ve carried the entire world, from the comfort of our wombs to the hustle and bustle of this mortal life… I could go on. This is my passion. Let me stay focused.

This book covers so many topics. Everything from health and beauty, to love and heartache, to music and friendship, to doubt and forgiveness. There is something for everyone, even men. Many of the topics are universal and can benefit men just as much as women. It gives men a peak into the feminine mind (which many of you say you don’t understand). Visit my official site to read an excerpt and buy the book.

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